ALLLLLLright, y'all...here we go.... the overall 'theme' which kinda
jumped out to me for this one concerns itself with the fact that
Ginger's character, Tanka Scharwenka, seems quite smitten with the big
dude, John Dent, who reminds her of a former flame which she just can't
shake... and, in our 'alternate plot', let's refer to Tanka as 'Queen
Scharwenka', who is indeed the Queen of all she surveys... hey, these
things always center around Ginger anyway, right?
...look, Missy, I saw him FIRST!!!
...why hello there, loyal subject...
...you remind me of a cabana boy I once had...
...do you mind if a refer to you as "My Sweet Baby Huey?"
...and Huey used to love it when I ran my fingers thru his mop like so...
...Oh
mum, I just met the most gnarly fellow today! Maybe we can do an
'arranged courtship' or whatever...I can do that as Queen, right?
Otherwise, what's the point of this Queen gig?
...hope he knows the Lindy...
...or the Twirl...
...heck, I'd settle for the Harlem Shake...
UAB-style, of course...
...all visitors to Queen Scharwenka's must kiss her Royal Digits...
...ummm-hmmm..."Royal Digits", eh?
...WOAH! hold it there, Casper!
...I thought you were someone else...
...That's funny, I was thinking the same thing about YOU, "Queenie"...
...look,
Ginger...I know you've got all these folks 'round here in
"Insert-name-here-land" snookered into thinking you're of the lineage of
"King Whatever", thus the rightful heir to the throne... but you'll
always be Feathers to me, babe!
...Well,
how 'bout YOU stifle with your half-truths and conjectures,
Frederick... ...it just so happens I'm in the DAR...lineage of George
Washington, ya know... anyway...they need SOMEONE to clue them in on how
to run a railroad... ...actually, Lela runs all the financial and
management end, and I just deal with PR stuff...
...speaking of which, I've got an appointment to get to...but don't worry about your standing in society here, Freddie...
...I'll hold a special ceremony and dub thee "Sir Freakus"...
...It's good to be dancing wit' ya again, Ginge...
...yeah, I missed it - that dude in my last film was too busy scarfing down donuts and getting everyone arrested...
...so, what have you and the Pan-Man cooked up for routines for this particular photoplay?
...well, maybe a bit of two-step... a whirling dervish or two... with a little dipsee-doo dunkaroo thrown in for good measure...
...and then, there's the big finish with the Lambada...you know, the 'Forbidden Dance'...
...um...do whaaaat?
...alright Rufus, as assistant to the Queen, you need to make sure this joint meets the standards I demand for my presence...
...first
of all, there must be fire extinguishers every 50 feet or
so...sufficient emergency illumination at the main paths of egress...all
exit doors readily accessible...
...hey, you're reverting into the
'Finishing School' routine...
...but, all of that DOES make sense...I guess that's why you're the Queen...
...nevah forgit it, Chester...
...this place lacks...ambiance...it's just a...big...white...SET...
...you two fellers need to hash this predicament out...amongst yourselves...
...
Ginger thinks...these two will never figure this out...
...I just wish that big Huey-like fella would show up again...
...but, he can't dance worth a flip...also very Huey-like...
...wonder if Freddie could teach him a few steps...
...eh, he can't even win an argument with cousin Vinny here...
...guess I'll just have to make an executive decision regarding this scene...
...Excuse me, Your Highness...this person is NOT cooperating at all...
...I suggest we make him DANCE!
...hey, Jim-Bob! There's someone here to SEEEE you!
...why helllll-ohhh (think Ginger answering the phone as Susan Applegate in the scene w/Lela...)...
...my
my MY, you remind me of the Hu-ster... save for the slick-back hair
deal...Hu had that dashing 'Bowl-Cut' style which I prefer...
...but the question is, can he SWIM?
...er,
I think what Queenie is trying to convey to you is...would you like to
join us for dinner tonight at the Royal Hootenanny?
...GRRRR...I don't LIKE 'hootenannies'...
...oh,
wait a minute...it's just NANNIES which I dislike...you see, there was
this...incident...which affected me as a young child...a nanny I had
took me to a Star Trek convention...no, wait a minute...that's not
right...er, where's my script?
...Look, Buster, don't you get it? I'm the Queen Bee 'round these parts!
...you know, curtsey and bow stuff...Beefeaters...as well as a few vegans here and there...
...I'll let you drive the Royal Duesenberg... er... right...well then...see ya round, you goofy lunkhead...
...great that you decided to show up for the soiree, Jimmy-Bob-Billy-Joe...
...er...have we met?...
...why does this always happen, Freddie? I guess the doofus likes the soprano types...
...Irene
does have quite a presence...so if she's happy with the cat, so let it be done...
...well, you'd always be comparing him to Hu anyway, which he could never stack up to...so maybe it's better this way...
...er, you know,
I'm pretty unfettered currently...
...yeah,
right...say hey to Phyllis for me... ...see, here's what I don't get...
isn't the Queen ALWAYS supposed to get her way? Even the Queen of
Podunkia?
...sigh...
oh, well... I like what you and Vinny did with the curtains... how many
Naugas gave their hides to patch that slop together?
...And
that reminds me, as Queen, I get to pick out all the costumes for these
photoplays...which means more sleeves with fuzzy varmint hides
integrated in them...
...you know, they make furs for dudes now...
...as
well as ostrich-feather peacoats...that would be GRAND on you,
Fredrick... I think I'll talk to Irene about whipping up one for you...
er, not THIS Irene, but THAT Irene... heck, I may even contract it out
to Orry-Kelly...although I've never understood if that's one person, or
two, or the name of a company...or an anagram for something...
...That's
right...the QUEEN! Now, listen, we need the following...you better jot
this down, Kilroy...We need the wool from 40 specially trained
Ecuadorian Mountain Llamas, 6 Venezuelan Red Llamas, 142 Mexican
Whooping Llamas, 14 North Chilean Guanacos (closely related to the
llama), 76,000 Battery Llamas from 'Llama-Fresh' Farms, LTD. (near
Paraguay)... as well as the down from a typical colony of African
Swallows...
...nice work, Freddie...that should be all wrapped up in a couple of years or so...
...meanwhile, let's get back to the issue at hand...how do I win back 'Bizarro-Huey' from the clutches of that Dunne woman?...
...I
think YOU need to talk to the doofus and try to explain to him the
magnitude of the situation... it's not every day that the Queen of
Bucksnort is pining for you...
...I
mean, y'all were FRAT BROTHERS, fer cryin' out loud! You STILL whine
about the paddle grip he used at your initiation ritual...
...Fred, if you see Moose, please give him this...
...a 'cease-and-desist' order?
...er, may I be so bold as to inquire?
...I think we better go hash this out in the Royal bonus room, y'all...
...so he ends up being a gooberhead, eh? AAAARGH! DON'T get me started, sister!
...well, this picture DEFINITELY shows big man doing the foxtrot with one Ms. Ruby Keeler...
...mind you, a HORRENDOUS foxtrot... just look at that awkward footwork... deplorable!
...your'e totally right, Freddie, how can I POSSIBLY be hooked up with a stumblebum like THIS? Let Keeler have him!
...well, it's Goodnight, Irene...now, if only I were in Ruby's red slippers...
...well, I'll just bide my time...
...I mean, he has to see her tap dance SOMEtime, right? He'll come stumbling back to me in short order...
...and there's the stinky face again...
...ya gotta love these Barcoloungers, Freddie!
...y'know,
in the final analysis, it just would never work out with Homer and I...
Like Irene, there's NO way I can be caught dead with a feller who can't
trip the light fantastic...or even the light mediocre...
...well,
I guess that just leaves you and me, right, Freddie? Well, there's
still Phyllis to contend with, of course... ...we could get her a nice
cushy desk job upstate and hook her up with a strong, silent type...like
Harold Lloyd... I can do all that as Queen, right?
...well, anyway, you'd make a fine King of Slobovia...just a nice guy and quite the dancer!
...I'd even let you do select all the costumes for our routines...with no feathers...PROMISE...
...but
you know, Huey just LOVED that feather dress I wore... I just wish he
could DANCE... his repertoire of moves consists of the 'Bump', the
'Macarena', and the 'Gangham Style' routine, whatever the heck THAT
is...
...If he could just waltz...a BASIC waltz...all would have been perfect....er...
...I'm comparing you to Hu again, aren't I? ...
yes...yes
you are... ...as for the offer to the throne via divorce proceedings,
thank you, but I must gracefully decline... Phyllis requires daily foot
massages...but I'm sure you'll find your Huey-like lunkhead, nay, even
the elusive Huey HIMSELF, somewhere out in the far reaches of this
desolate quagmire you reign over... Godspeed to you, Queen Scharwenka!
------
...well,
sometimes these endings are not as easy as they should be...but
hopefully overall this was an interesting 'treatment' of the caps...
That Hu feller sounds QUITE interesting, no?
I will add ALL of the caps from Roberta into the Roberta blog
HERE ...sometime in the very near future... I'll note on G-ology, as well as FaceBook...
Until Then,
Keep It GINGERY, Y'all!!!
Hu
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